Comfort feels good. In our activities, we can hit a comfort zone — those things that we know how to do and we don’t have to think too much about them. There’s no struggle involved. Comfort can also make us hit the snooze button too many times and end up late for work (or not getting up in time to let the dog out). Staying in a comfort zone in genealogy can do the same thing. It may not make you late for work, but it can keep you from moving and exploring. Here’s how you can break out of your genealogy comfort zone, whether you’re researching your own family or a professional. Continue reading
In the March 2016 AARP Bulletin, lifestyle expert Marni Jameson offered “20 Tips to Declutter Your Home.” I can go along with her advice on old musical instruments (contact your kid’s old music teacher for suggestions) and clothes (toss, donate or sell). But Ms. Jameson was way off target with her advice for love letters:
“Love Letters – Keep them if they’re yours. But if they’re your parents’, they’re not really yours: They’re part of a romance between your parents, never meant for you. Burn them ceremonially and send the love back into the universe.”
Are you kidding me?!?!!!!! Continue reading
As at past RootsTech conferences, the expo hall had everything from the “big guys” — Ancestry, FamilySearch, etc. — to the start-ups and the one-person operations. There were scanning operations of all sorts along with paper scrapbooking. There were genetic testing companies and storytellers. There were the old, the young, the experienced, the novice, the techies, and the technologically-challenged.
In short, RootsTech looked like genealogy. Continue reading
You’re heading to a family gathering and you can’t wait to tell them all about the genealogy brick-wall problem that you finally solved. They’re going to be so excited!
So you tell everyone who will listen all about the late nights spent searching database after database. The countless trips to the library and the courthouse. The hours spent analyzing documents and resolving inconsistencies. But instead of excitement, you’re answered with:
“Excuse me. I need to go help with the dishes.”
Drinking From a Firehose
It’s the same when we go overboard with talking about our research and what we’ve found. The person we’re talking to just wants a little knowledge, not the torrent of data that we’ve collected.
They just wanted a drink of water, not the entire fire hose.
Where We Go Wrong When Talking to Non-Genealogists
We genealogists are a passionate bunch. Our research is important to us and we want to share the discoveries about our family with our relatives. After all, it’s their history, too.
But many of our relatives aren’t quite there yet. They might be curious about what we’ve found, but they aren’t interested in the research process like we are.
That’s where we lose them.
When someone asks us, “What have you found in the family tree?” they don’t want a litany of sources, repositories, and analysis. They want the story of the ancestor, not the story of you discovering the ancestor.
Going through all of the twists and turns and struggles of our research confuses most people who aren’t “into” genealogy research. It’s overwhelming to them.
The Thing to Remember
The first rule of storytelling is “Know your audience.” Consider the person you’re talking to. Are they as “into” genealogy as you are or are they just starting to be curious?
If you’re talking to someone who is curious, keep the emphasis on the ancestor, not your research. If my niece or nephew asks me what I’ve found, I might tell them about a maiden great-great-aunt who went blind late in life and died in the county home. I’m not going to tell them everything I went through to find her, including resolving the fact that her death record had the wrong name.
Yes, we want to be accurate. But we don’t need to overwhelm people.
Ask yourself this: Is it better to
- tell that person every single thing you know and everything you went through to find it (and turn them off in the process) – or –
- to tell them a brief story (and keep them interested so they don’t run away the next time they see you)?
My money is on #2.
Keep it short. Keep it simple, Keep them coming back for more. Who knows — maybe those appetizer-size bites you give them will make them want to join you for the full meal.
What strategies have worked for you when talking to the non-genealogists in your family?
Around November 22 each year, people start asking the question, “Where were you when you heard Kennedy was killed?” My mom was at home. Dad had the later shift at his service station and was getting ready for work. The milkman (yes, the milkman) had just made his delivery at our house when the news broke on TV. Mom and Dad invited the milkman in to watch the news with them. Mom remembers Walter Cronkite breaking down when he announced that the President was dead…
As for me, I have no memories of it. Not because I was too young to remember. I wasn’t born yet.
I’m used to being the youngest in the crowd. I’m the youngest in my family. I’m the youngest of my grandparents’ grandchildren. I was among the youngest in my high school graduating class. Until a few years ago, I was always the youngest in a gathering of genealogists. I’m used to the discussions that revolve around events that I missed. (“Remember that time we <blank>? Oh, that’s right. You weren’t born yet.” Sometimes, I think my sisters enjoy those conversations a little bit too much.)
So Many Points on the Timeline
People have expressed almost sadness that I missed this key event in the nation’s history. On the one hand, it would be interesting to be able to carry on a conversation comparing notes of “where were you.” But on the other hand, there are lots of key events that I — and a lot of my friends — have missed. Pearl Harbor. The 1929 Stock Market Crash. Lincoln’s Assassination. Fort Sumter. The Treaty of Ghent. Washington’s first inauguration. Lexington and Concord.
I look at my great-niece and great-nephews and realize that events that I do remember vividly — things like the space shuttle Challenger and 9/11 — are things they they will only hear about from others. They have no memory of them.
Why This Matters — and What We Can Do
So why does it matter that I have no memory of JFK? Because others do, and they need to record those memories for those of use who don’t. And for those like me who don’t have those memories, we need to record our “where I was” stories for the key events in our lives, so that the youngsters of today — and those yet to be born — will know.
[NOTE: I published a version of this on my older blog No Story Too Small in 2013, the 50th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination.]